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A Victorian Scrapbook

A Scrapbook of Newspaper Articles Compiled by George Burgess (1829-1905)

Victorian Humour

1. Facetious Idle-talk
2. The Bitter Bit!

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Transcript from original newspaper article:

Facetious Idle Talk


…. AN IRISH WAGER. – “Nate hand you are thin, my darlin’!” said one Irish bricklayer to another, “you mount the ladder wid your hod full o’ stones, and scatter ‘em on the heads iv us as you go. Och, blatheration, blood and ouns! By shem that’s holy, I’d carry yourself up, from the flags to the roof, and down again widout your spilt.”
“You don’t do it, sir!” returned the fellow laborer, “I’d lay a trifle you couldn’t!”
“For a pint o’ whiskey I would tho’ is it the likes o’ you I might not lift? – D’ye you take my bet, honey?”
“Faith do I put my soul’s salvation against yer pint, (and that’s a fair trade) that you can’t”
“In wid your dirty karkas, and we’ll thry it.”
Fearful as the experiment may seem, it was successful. When two-thirds up the ladder, Paddy roared out –
“M’Carthy, you devil ye, sit aisy, or I’ll spill ye!”
“Sure, and isn’t it that I’d be after having ye do!” returned Mac.
When safe landed he exclaimed –
“I didn’t think it was in the likes o’ ye. As it happens, you’ve won, I’m bate; but just as we war comin’ by the third story, I was in hopes!”

The Bitter Bit …. THE BITTER BIT! – A poor fellow, who had spent hundreds of dollars at a certain groggery, seeing one day faint and feeble, and out of change, asked the landlord to trust him for a glass of liquor.
“No,” was the reply. “I never make a practice of doing such things.”
The poor fellow turned to a gentleman who was sitting by, and whom he had known in better days, saying –
“Sir, will you lend me a sixpence?”
“Certainly,” was the reply.
The landlord with alacrity placed the decanter and glass before him. He took a pretty good horn, and having swallowed it and replaced the glass with evident satisfaction, he turned to the man who had lent him the money, and said: -
“Here, sir, is the sixpence I owe to you - I make it a point, degraded as I am, to pay borrowed money before I pay my grog bill?”